Tuesday, March 21, 2006

A Short Bus Tale ...

It is true that in my elementary school days, I was a beneficiary of the school bus. For the most part, I was not a big fan. Many times I found ways to miss the bus so that I would have alternative means of transportation. One time I hid from the substitute bus driver. Other times I chose to walk all the way home in the Houston heat. I didn't enjoy the school bus experience, and it was quite a dose of reality for a kid.

For a couple of those years, the bus that I was assigned to (#772) was shorter than many of the normal busses. It was a "short bus" as seen on the left here - a Bluebird to be specific. While it was short in length (not height), it did not contain seatbelts, rails, lifts, or any other "special" features. It was just short. That's all. The other bus seen above is also a "short bus" complete with lift, seatbelts, rails, special mirrors, and more. My bus (#772) did not have any special equipment.

Recently, my beautiful wife and my friend Brian thought that it would be funny to dwell, and when I say dwell I mean beating the horse for about an hour past the time it breathed its last, on the fact that my sole transportation to and from school was a bus that was not as long as many other busses. It was a "short bus", but not the "short bus" that you're thinking of. I furthermore won't reveal the derogatory slang that they used to refer to the bus on the right, and for some reason I have an overwhelming need to explain this to the general public since my wife and my friend won't listen.

While I learned important lessons about life (it hurts a lot less to be punched in the back than in the arm or head, all cuss words are not created equal, some bus drivers have a phallic symbol on their key chain, that you can in fact peel out in a bus, when the guy next to you had pancakes for breakfast - his clothes smell like it all day, being introduced to rap music from the small boom box above the driver's mirror, if you got to the bus stop early you could work in a game of Excitebike at Sunny's, do unto others as you would have them to unto you, etc.) I never considered my bus experience "special", even though apparently some close to me - whom I didn't know at the time - do.

I also must say that at the end of elementary school, my bus was big - large - huge - full size. That's right, I was not limited to the "short bus" for my entire elementary school career. I eventually grew out of it.

While I don't have any animosity or ill-will towards those who rode the bus on the right, I did not ride THAT bus, and I feel more than compelled to plead my case on this matter in this context. So, thank you "short bus" for my many lessons learned and for preparing me for the ridicule and mocking I now must endure because of you. I'm a better and more complete person for riding you, and my heart hurts for those who were robbed of the opportunity to learn what I have learned. God Bless the "Short Bus".

Many Blessings to all Former Riders of the "Short Bus".

The End.


Anonymous Sherry Van Buren said...

If it makes you feel any better, Jason, you and Tiffany have something in common! When she was at Taylor Elementary she was in the "TAG" program, which stands for talented and gifted. (It was also a nickname that we gave to her when she did dumb things, which was often!!!) One day each week she was transported from Taylor Elementary to Frazier Elementary, where all good little "TAG" students gathered together to do smart-kid things. Each week, she and about 6 other selected and "special" kids loaded up on the "short bus" each week. And it DID have all of the bells and whistles. Also, as a side not, when you looked at her report card, she was identified as "special ed" because of her "TAG" status, so you can imagine what we put her through....

It's nice to know Tiffany had a friend who ALSO road the short bus! I'm with Holly and Brian on this one! LOL

Had to get in my 2 cents worth of teasing. Have a good week! Your blogs make me laugh and I have referenced your "dam church" blog several times recently in conversations talking about church growth. Church people ALWAYS love to hear from me, can't you imgaine!!!

9:53 AM  
Blogger Holly said...

I still love you. It's not every day that you get to be on the other side of the ridcule. You can pile it on just as good. Sorry you had to go through this but it will make you stronger and better. :)

Sherry--why don't you comment on my blogs?

11:20 AM  
Blogger carahinojosa said...

It's all so clear now--it makes perfect sense. That's why you didn't know how to change a diaper and you had to hose my kid off...it's b/c you're 'special'.

10:34 PM  
Blogger Holly said...

That's right it was a "short tale" because it was a "short bus". LOL!!

I don't think this will ever stop being funny :)

11:55 PM  
Blogger Jason said...

ok ... I'm never going to be vulnerable again.

12:20 AM  
Blogger Michael said...

James and the wooden, phallic key chain. The things we remember as a kid....just thinking of that thing cracks me up!

BTW, I owned you in Excitebike at Sunny's. ;-)

3:42 PM  
Blogger Jason said...

Owned is a very strong word ...

At least now people know that I'm not making this stuff up. Awesome.

5:52 PM  

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